Who's driving the bus?

The one tiny piece of information that I left out of our wedding vows the day I married Raeul was, “hey buddy, I am a control freak! I am taking the wheel so get ready for the ride of your life!” The song “Jesus, Take the Wheel” was not played during our first dance as husband and wife. It was more like, “I love you, but I’ll take it from here!” Day 2 of our honeymoon the battle of control began. We got derailed because we didn’t understand God’s design and roles for marriage nor were we fully committed to act on them. The result of this led to selfishness, withdrawal and chaos which eventually led us both to a crossroad in our marriage.

God has a design for marriage. Once we understand this design, we can then learn how to fulfill our roles on a daily basis. He is a God of order, not chaos and in the family, His order is that the husband is the head of the household. “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:3

For years, I fought Raeul over every decision we made in our home. I was constantly in the driver's seat and it caused incredible destruction. I undermined his leadership and hindered the work that God was trying to do in his life as the leader of our family. I needed to understand that my role in the marriage was to be his helper and completer. As Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

We have to remember that the Lord has given all of us who believe in Jesus a Helper to fulfill our roles and look more like Him. In John 14:16-17 it says “And I will ask the Father; and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth.”

I cannot do this on my own. When I yield to the Spirit, I understand that through God, I have everything I need to relinquish control and come willingly under Raeul’s leadership. It is a choice and gift I give him.

As Raeul and I continue down this road of 32+ years of marriage we have hit a few bumps and roadblocks along the way. BUT we have learned that when we follow God’s perfect plan and design for marriage, we position ourselves to grow spiritually as well as continue the journey toward oneness in our marriage.

Who’s driving the bus in your marriage?


I want to challenge you to ask these questions:

  • Ask your husband - Is there anything I am doing or failing to do that seems to signal that I do not honor you or your leadership in our home?
  • Ask your wife - Is there any area in our marriage where you feel I am not leading us well? Do you see “blind spots” in my leadership that could take us off-road?
  • Ask each other - Do you feel there is anything keeping either one or both of us from God’s best in our lives? What can we do to move forward?

About the Author

My name is Susan Cox. Raeul and I have been married for 32 years and call Rockwall, Texas home. Raeul is a sales and marketing director for a firm in the payroll industry. I serve on the marriage team as the Director of re|engage at Watermark Community Church. Our desire is to see all marriages bring glory and honor to God. Whether your marriage is seeking enrichment or is in need of complete restoration we invite you to check out re|engage.

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